Friday, January 08, 2010

Why We Stay In Emotionally Destructive Relationships - Guest Post by Susan White

When we think addiction, we associate the term with alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. But there is another thing that that most of us are addicted to – relationships. Think about it – you’ve fallen in love and you cannot do without your significant other; you think that he or she is the only one who can make you happy; you feel lost without them; you want to spend every minute together; and you can’t get enough of your lover no matter how much time you spend together – does this not count as addiction?
If you still don’t agree, try staying away from your loved one for a day or two, or go even a few hours without texting, calling or emailing them. If you feel withdrawal symptoms and crave a fix so badly that you break your resolution, there’s no other way to say this – you are addicted. Addiction to a relationship is not that bad a thing as long as it is reciprocated; if your partner feels the same way that you do, then there’s no need to press the panic button. But if your feelings become more intense and his/her feelings swing the opposite way, then you have a problem.
It’s a cruel twist of fate, but the more they withdraw from you, the more you seem to want them. You begin to stalk them, hound them, harass them, and even threaten them with dire consequences if they don’t respond the way you want them to. You don’t understand why and how this relationship deteriorated to this level. And you end up becoming a doormat and allow yourself to be used by your partner just because you’re scared that they might leave you.
When this happens over a period of time, you begin to lose a part of your soul; you become someone else, and your natural enthusiasm and zest for life come down by notches. You know in your heart that this relationship is destroying you emotionally and stressing you out, yet you persist, because it’s like a drug that you can’t get out of your system.
Just as an addiction ruins your life and leaves you a shell of your former self, emotionally destructive relationships too cause havoc in your life and drain your vitality and strength. So the sooner you get out, the better. But it’s easier said than done as most of us who have been there and done that know. It’s takes a great deal of determination and willpower to wrest control of your life and start afresh, but the first step to doing so is to recognize and admit that you do have a problem and that you need help.
Once you’re able to do that, it’s time to get your support network of family and friends (who have all been trying to get you out of this vicious rut you’re stuck in all this while) to help you become your former self, gain some self confidence and live life the way it should be lived. Because we’re human, we need relationships; but when relationships threaten to dehumanize us, it’s time to say goodbye to them.
By-line:
This post is written by Susan White, who writes on the topic of Becoming a Radiologist . She welcomes your comments at her email id: susan.white33@gmail.com .

1 comment:

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